Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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