operation harelip BJ is a go
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
