Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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