Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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