I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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