that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
