I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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