this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
