she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I cut my penus on the lid.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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