i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
