I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
