She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
