He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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