It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
