I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize