So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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