You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
