I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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