there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
