I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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