I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
