haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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