How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
