my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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