shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
