My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
