You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
