just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
