Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
