Your mouth is God's brothel.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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