the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
