why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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