I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize