Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize