guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
