Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
