Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
