how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize