Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
