Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
