Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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