3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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