Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
