So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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