So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
