Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
