Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
