Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I cannot find my penis.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
