Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
