I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
