I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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