Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
