yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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