At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
