Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
