I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
