I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Also, beer. Big fan.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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