What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
