We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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