I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
