just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
