I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize