if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
