i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
