shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize