Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
