Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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