You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
