I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
