Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize